Dude my mom stole all your condoms
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
