I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
