I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
