I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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