I am puke
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
