I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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