life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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