That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
