Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
as a side note pls kill me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize