I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
