he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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