Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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