We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
