I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
