I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
