my being single is dangerous.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
