honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
