Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
