I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize