I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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