whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
