Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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