I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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