Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
3pm strippers are depressing
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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