dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
