Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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