Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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