the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
