I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
