we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
