apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
