Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
