News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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