so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
