You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
