honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
