Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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