That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
