Me too!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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