Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
