I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
