Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
