I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Rumble strips road head = magical
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize