dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
