That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
