If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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