he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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