I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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