Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
