Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
