hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
be right there i have to get my cape
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
