I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
