my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
