Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
