also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
