I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
