Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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