This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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