Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just blew my weed a kiss
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
