She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
