why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
