Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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