I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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