i wish my penis had a tongue
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize