please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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