I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
