Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
