like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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