i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
