At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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