Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
