ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
