don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
