Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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