Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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