We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You need Xanax blowdarts
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
