That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
