I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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