yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
