I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
