why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
