i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
