we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You're like the curious george of whores
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
