I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
