there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
