eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
