I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
