life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
