Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
