last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
