can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize