He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My liver just had a heart attack.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
