The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
