I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dicks are not precious.
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