I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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