Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
