Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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